The Fault In Us
by unknowngirl123456
Summary: Where is fault? Is it in the world? In the people? Is it in me, Hazel? In Augustus? In Van Houten? I'm Hazel Grace Lancaster and I'd like to know where the fault is? Please read&enjoy:)


The Fault in Us

**Hey, this is just a quick one-shot for The Fault in Our Stars. I'm purely trying TFIOS out and if I feel that I can't write these fics I'll inform you. **

**Also by the way this is set before Augustus died but after Amsterdam. In some ways in this fic I hoped to sound like Hazel but I have a feeling she came off a bit too sappy, sorry. OOC. I don't own. Anyways keep reading:)**

Dear Mr Van Houten,

Augustus Waters, the guy that makes my stomach burst into butterflies and makes me feel so much is the one I'm most scared around. I'm a grenade and I want to minimize the casualties of when I do blow up, but of course he has an answer for everything, he knows that I'm scared yet he pushes me forward despite the fault in both of us.

He makes me feel things I've never felt before. He makes me feel life. I love him but he's just… so experienced with experiences that I would never have to think about.

I can't think, my thoughts are purely whirring and I want to call Gus, because I fear but I don't know what. Do I fear my disease? Do I fear oblivion? Or do I fear living without Augustus? Or dying without him? It's strange to think that I have tackled my disease and stayed strong but then he comes along and knocks me off of my radar, the metaphors, and the smile that lights up his face.

What would I do without Augustus Waters – the person who taught me to do things? Would I crawl back into the shell I was before him? He makes me feel complete and whole and sometimes, just sometimes I forget about my Cancer and his Cancer and wish that we could just run away into the sunset without a care in the world.

The fault in us, a statement made to sound like a metaphor is really just a way to say that 'hey, everyone has their problems but you just have to gather your shit together long enough to see that if you push past them problems your just faced with more, everyone's thoughts are simply stars which nobody can fathom into constellations.'

Although you don't care and you are a shitty person, you still left a mark which I will never do nor do I want to. You may never read this letter Van Houten but it feels good to say what's on my mind even if nobody's listening. You never did answer my questions on your novel but now I see the point you made – sometimes it is good to not know what happens next and at some point, you just pull off the Band-Aid, and it hurts, but then it's over and you're relieved. This is in a way jumping into oblivion, a state of nothingness, when you aren't aware but you are.

I guess what I'm trying to say Van Houten is that even though you don't care, I care. I care more than I wish to. I care about Augustus Waters, I care about you Peter Van Houten, I care about your ex-assistant Lidewij Vliegenthart and most importantly I care about myself, it sounds selfish I know, but I think that somehow being selfish helps you fathom your stars into constellations.

One day Van Houten you'll understand what dying feels like. But maybe you already do with your alcohol addiction and fear. I've always wondered does the fear tear you apart, Van Houten? Or does it wake you up, making you more alive than you have ever felt?

I've thought this thousands of times through my time with Augustus Waters, that some infinities are bigger than others but in some moments that I spend with him I stop and we are infinite.

I don't know what I'd do without Augustus Waters, Van Houten. I don't even know what I did before him but all I know is that – whoever goes first will be waiting for the other so we can be infinite together. Augustus Waters is a puzzle to me and always will be, he didn't choose me because I was pretty, he didn't choose me because I had cancer and he felt pity, he chose me because, he knew just like I did that this was the universes way of telling us to live even if he had more reasons this is the one I know is true.

One last thing Van Houten, I don't like you but you have affected my life in more ways than one and now I'm not afraid to share to you my true emotions. I'm scared of what's going to happen to Augustus Waters and myself. Which is why you have to come to the funerals of both of us. If it's Augustus' funeral you must read this letter and if it's my funeral you must also read this letter because I want Augustus to know that wherever you are, I'm always following, you just have to let me catch up.

So Van Houten, Augustus, Everyone, there is fault everywhere especially in our stars which we cannot fathom into constellations but most importantly it is easy to forget that there is fault in us and we have no reason to escape it we only have reason to embrace it.

Hazel Grace Lancaster

**PLEASE READ BELOW:**

**I really liked this and once I'd finished writing this I realised that I will be doing more TFIOS fics definitely. I loved the idea of doing it in a letter format and it has sparked lots of new ideas in our heads.**

**If you didn't notice I included lots of quotes from John Green, like the band-aid one which is from Looking for Alaska. I used a lot of TFIOS quotes but changed them like the oblivion, the infinities and the stars that we cannot fathom into constellations ones. I also used a bit of a quote from Stephen Chbosky's 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' which was the 'and we were infinite part' **

**I only used these quotes to add more character to Hazel. I'm sorry for the use of a swear word but I feel that it was added to portray her character and it fits with it. So I am sorry if that upset anyone but I think you should after this next paragraph stop reading and comment what you thought.**

**I have exams coming up and to help my English practise I'm going to be writing short fics like this to help develop my language skills, I don't know how often this will happen but I appreciate if you would understand if they do not sound like a particular character because obviously I'm not that author. I feel this next bit really ties in with the story.**

**Oh, and one more thing,**

"**I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." **

― **Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul**

**unknowngirl123456**


End file.
